As the New England Patriots get ready to claim yet another Super Bowl trophy, what better way to help all of the Pats-haters out there than to present the following 12 steps as a guide for learning to live with the historic levels of Patriots’ domination.
- Admit that there is no collusion among the NFL leadership ordering referees to gift the Patriots wins. The Patriots win because their coaches and players perform like machines programmed for one thing: win football games. This machine-like execution shines in the 4th quarter, when opposing teams appear to wilt.
- Bill Belichick is the greatest coach of all time, but he can’t coach forever.
- Tom Brady is the greatest quarterback of all time, but he will retire someday.
- The NFL hates defense; therefore, all rules allow offenses to thrive – yes, even mediocre quarterbacks. Surprise! The greatest quarterback of all time is winning football games.
- Tom Brady is the Michael Jordan of the NFL (don’t we all *still* want to be like Mike), and he is entitled to all that implies. (Hint: this one helps explain certain penalty calls or lack thereof.)
- It’s not the Patriots fault opposing coaches do dumb things like not hand the ball off to Marshawn Lynch at the goal line.
- Atlanta deserves a separate mention even though it belongs with number 6.
- The Patriots fans are not any more annoying than any other fan base would be riding the wave of success brought on by five Super Bowl wins, 5,000 AFC Championships, etc. The 49ers were a similar dynasty, but now their fans mostly live in the past, longing for the Joe Montana/Steve Young days.
- Speaking of a team with an annoying fan base, the Giants wrecked the Patriots’ perfect season, and there’s nothing Brady and Belichick can do about it, and the Giants fans will never forget.
- Eli Manning, a borderline Hall of Fame candidate, is 2-0 in Super Bowls against the great Tom Brady, and the Giants fans will never forget.
- The Patriots traded away Jimmy Garoppolo, the heir to Tom Brady’s kingdom.
- The idea that the Patriots can easily overcome trading away a quarterback who looks like the real deal is not sound thinking. How many more years can Tom Brady play? Nothing topples NFL dynasties faster than an incompetent quarterback.
Photo by Keith Allison (CC BY-SA 2.0) flickr.com
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